It was such a strong moment of clarity when it dawned on me that none of this was random. I wasn’t a victim of some unseen forces; the world didn’t have it in for me. I was creating the battles, the betrayals, the dramas – they weren’t happening to me, they were happening because of me!

There was a deep mourning that followed as it sunk in; the years of missed opportunities, and squandered potential. Followed quickly by a beautiful, powerful, blossoming realisation that just as I had many times chosen unwisely, I could now choose all the things I wished for: self-respect, plenty, tolerance and love.

Sweet friends, I know this may be hard to hear, especially if your world feels like a shambles or life has handed you awful circumstances. I get it; I had ragged scars I could hold up high to justify my behaviour. We all do all the time, as we dance and run and skip and fall, through this brief moment we have in time. But they mean nothing and if we hold on to them, they just mean we live a life less bright.

Righteousness and blame are some of the best places to hide, until they are not. And then they just feel like shit.

But, while we can’t see that we are being righteous and blaming, it feels so perfectly justified wrapped up in ourselves, getting the last word in. Then we start to get any inkling that our worn relationships and broken connections may have something to do with us.

Being 21st-century peeps, if we do some work on ourselves and crack open the door to self-awareness, we start to see that the last word doesn’t serve us at all. The short-lived rush from being right, sits on top a pile of making other people wrong, made feel small or unseen.

We do it because we’re afraid – afraid there isn’t enough. Deep down in our subconscious it comes from a place of scarcity.

Brave warrior, if you are prepared to take this truth to heart, to let the weight of your choices settle on your precious shoulders, the big choices and little ones, those gone by and those yet to come, you’ll see it won’t kill you, or consumer you, or taint you in black.

It will free you.

Do not fear failure, welcome it as the dominion of the brave

Do not regret mistakes, without them you wouldn’t know

Don’t run from your emotions, they are the candy of life, some sweet some sour

In every moment, with every choice, you define the days that are your life