My subconscious antenna is finely tuned to certain words, addiction being one of them. I just read the most beautiful article on this challenging subject. It floated across my visual path as social media tends to do.
Many moons ago when I was functioning in a very different world in a very different way, I used needles to inject deep into my veins, pretty much anything I could find to get high, to escape, to feel something.
On the days when there were no drugs, I would sometimes shoot water, or wine, or anything I could find. The desire to pierce my skin was so unbelievably strong, to stick that needle in. To watch the blood pull back and then push it home again.
I never understood why I was so drawn to do this. It did not make any sense. All I knew was the craving for the needle was greater than any craving for the drugs.
In a world where we can feel so disconnected if we are soaked in shame or fear. Trying to find connection to something, someone trumps all else. Reading this article rang so true for me, I think in a deep raw way, stabbing myself in the arm over and over was me trying to connect, with me.
As Johann Hari says, “Human beings are bonding animals. The rise of addiction is a symptom of a deeper sickness in the way we live”.
It doesn’t seem to matter what the addiction is, drugs, sex, gambling, risk, food or fashion. It’s about filling a void, a desperate craving to be connected to something – no matter the cost.
Having been in that hole of total mindless enslavement, and now not. Now choosing to feel the unpredictable and often painful ride of real connection with humans. I can see people for what they really are, just like me, trying to do their best, be seen and heard and feel loved.
In my optimistic heart, I believe we have almost reached the turning point. There is something happening in the world, an awareness. The unstoppable flow of growth that seems to be part of being human, is drawing us to what we all crave above all else – connection and community.
We can all be part of this, one simple act at a time. Letting go of the need to be right, putting judgement aside, standing up and speaking out for each other in love and compassion.
Being present with what it feels like to be human in all its beautiful vulnerability.
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