It’s not the drugs, it’s the needle

2019-03-12T23:20:19+00:00 August 24th, 2015|

My subconscious antenna is finely tuned to certain words, addiction being one of them. I just read the most beautiful article on this challenging subject. It floated across my visual path as social media tends to do.

Many moons ago when I was functioning in a very different world in a very different way, I used needles to inject deep into my veins, pretty much anything I could find to get high, to escape, to feel something.

On the days when there were no drugs, I would sometimes shoot water, or wine, or anything I could find. The desire to pierce my skin was so unbelievably strong, to stick that needle in. To watch the blood pull back and then push it home again.

I never understood why I was so drawn to do this. It did not make any sense. All I knew was the craving for the needle was greater than any craving for the drugs.

In a world where we can feel so disconnected if we are soaked in shame or fear. Trying to find connection to something, someone trumps all else. Reading this article rang so true for me, I think in a deep raw way, stabbing myself in the arm over and over was me trying to connect, with me.

As Johann Hari says, “Human beings are bonding animals. The rise of addiction is a symptom of a deeper sickness in the way we live”.

It doesn’t seem to matter what the addiction is, drugs, sex, gambling, risk, food or fashion. It’s about filling a void, a desperate craving to be connected to something – no matter the cost.

Having been in that hole of total mindless enslavement, and now not. Now choosing to feel the unpredictable and often painful ride of real connection with humans. I can see people for what they really are, just like me, trying to do their best, be seen and heard and feel loved.

In my optimistic heart, I believe we have almost reached the turning point. There is something happening in the world, an awareness. The unstoppable flow of growth that seems to be part of being human, is drawing us to what we all crave above all else – connection and community.

We can all be part of this, one simple act at a time. Letting go of the need to be right, putting judgement aside, standing up and speaking out for each other in love and compassion.

Being present with what it feels like to be human in all its beautiful vulnerability.


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  1. Trish August 25, 2015 at 8:29 am - Reply

    Hey Paula I love the raw truth of your posts. You are (and have always been) a courageous individual…thanks for sharing your experiences So we can all learn from them 🙂

    • Paula Gosney August 26, 2015 at 3:05 am - Reply

      Thanks Trish. XP

    • Lesley August 26, 2015 at 6:07 am - Reply

      I agree. Your posts are good to read and helps me put myself in our people’s shoes who may have gone through the things you talk about. Keep sharing. We are all caring for you!

      • Paula Gosney August 26, 2015 at 11:34 pm - Reply

        Thanks Lesley, I know this is a tricky one to read and an even trickier one to share. My hope is they end up in the hands of those who need them. XP

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