The Person Who Shows Up
I am not my thoughts. I am the person who shows up. I am the person who cuddles my boys every morning as they slide into my bed, not the voice in my head that begs me to go back to sleep. I am breathing hard and sweating on [...]
Worry Yourself Sick – Or Not
I recently said to my son, “better to have a bird in the hand than two in the bush.” He looked at me like I was a lunatic; I then followed with an explanation of the 16th century proverb—warning against taking unnecessary risks.Most of these wonderful old sayings wrap around [...]
How do I help her?
Almost always when I share my story—when I talk of rape, heroin and pain; when they see me smiling, open, alive and unashamed—they find a way, a time, a quiet moment and with big, hurt eyes full of tears they reach for me, whispering, “your story is my story”. The [...]
As I kissed my son goodbye…
This morning as my son left for school and I kissed him goodbye; he made a nasty remark under his breath about his older brother. This from my child who is kind-hearted and deeply empathetic; it was very out of character for him, but I had noticed he was doing [...]
Shut up. You’ll be amazed what happens
Silence around other people can be very uncomfortable. It’s fine if we have something to do, like stare at the numbers in an elevator or fiddle with our phones, but if we are in a conversation or small group and everything goes quiet, or even worse, if we have just [...]
Your story matters, and it also doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because it's done and cannot be changed. No matter how much effort you put into rewriting the story in your mind, to yourself and to anyone who will listen—it will not change. It would be fabulous if we could [...]
Ideas on handling disappointment and rising again
Being kind, charming and generous is easy for most of us when life is good. If time is abundant and there is plenty of money – if we’re loved, connected and have a purpose, most of us can bring our A game. Not so easy when times are tough. If [...]
Five times you need to truly believe in yourself and how.
When You Sense Danger. Trust your instincts! We use 5% of our brain consciously, 95% is subconscious and that’s not even including the trillions of cells we have in our body that are connected and have a nervous system. Your body is wise—it has a wisdom that stretches back 70,000 [...]
We can stand in the storm of anything
The wind blows, she stands firm as she has nothing to hide. Waves crash and the torment howls about her. It cannot touch her; she knows who she is. Words hurled to control her, jealousy to subvert her. She does not drop her gaze, nor feel shame. When pain is [...]
How do you feel about money?
Money doesn’t play favourites, how can it? It has no intention or ambition. It doesn’t choose who it hangs out with based on their creed or character. Money shows up where value is created. Don’t get value confused with “good’ value; money has no judgement, it will turn up for [...]
Voices in your head
Are you aware of the voices in your head? Most of us are, and for most of us, it’s just one voice – the voice we associate with self, meaning we think that voice is who we are; it’s not. Who we are, is the person listening to the voice. [...]
You Create the Kisses
It was such a strong moment of clarity when it dawned on me that none of this was random. I wasn’t a victim of some unseen forces; the world didn’t have it in for me. I was creating the battles, the betrayals, the dramas – they weren’t happening to [...]
The Sexualisation of a Child
It makes my blood boil when I see it happening: on film, in ads, from brands and corporates—turning children into sexual objects. It’s not just big business, it’s some parents too—have they really thought this through? Why would you give a child a padded bra? “Hey look at my girl, [...]
There is life in pain
I am a little fascinated with pain at the moment. No, I'm not a masochist. In a good way, actually, in a very powerful way. Over the years, I’ve learnt if I am prepared to sit with pain – heart pain, head pain, even body pain and allow myself to [...]
The Good Wolf Ultimately Won
Every great initiative thrives because of a strong purpose, what was the one behind Belief School? There is a parable about the good wolf and the bad wolf inside all of us, the boy asks his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” – and the grandfather says, “The one you [...]
Taking my foot off the throat of life
I am a control freak. Meaning I put a hell of a lot of freak into keeping control of everything around me. It only requires rudimentary psychology to understand the cause. Check out Broken Bits. However, this isn’t about the reason why so many grown adults of childhood trauma are [...]
They See Us!
Who we are, is far more important than what we say. XP
No Payback Expected
When we give with no motive, no payback expected, many unseen forces come into play. The wonders of our biochemistry produce oxytocin, our love hormone. It supports growth, reduces stress, induces feelings of optimism and strengthens our immune system. Spiritually, whether your prophet is Mohammed, Jesus, Mother Nature or the [...]
It’s not the drugs, it’s the needle
My subconscious antenna is finely tuned to certain words, addiction being one of them. I just read the most beautiful article on this challenging subject. It floated across my visual path as social media tends to do. Many moons ago when I was functioning in a very different world in [...]
Impersonating Dagny Taggart
There was a time when I spent six months impersonating Dagny Taggart, a character, from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. I had not long left school and was living in Wellington, a trainee money broker in a dealing room, cavorting with the big boys. Twenty-five men in suits, and me. At [...]
In Two Minds!
We really are quite literally, in two minds; our conscious mind and our subconscious mind. One is creative and the other is habitual. To change or create a habit we must communicate with both. I was the beer guzzling Queen of Bad Habits! My ability to effortlessly add bad habit [...]
Step through, Stand up.
Who do you find more interesting, Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston? Personally I find Jolie far more mesmeric. Her drugs, the blood and girls. Pashing her brother, hating her father, losing her mother – the constant fighting with her hubby! The range of emotions, anger, righteousness, tears and drama. Beautiful [...]
Believe in yourself! O.K
Believe in yourself! O.K When I hear this, I quickly turn to look at the face of the person who has just received this cracking piece of advice. It always looks pretty much the same… Blank at best dejected at worst. I can almost hear the thoughts running through their [...]
How to find Blue Elephants
You would have to be under a rock to have not heard some talk of The Law-of-Attraction, The Secret, Visualisation or the Power of Positive Thinking. If you are anything like I was, when first told to “visualise my success”, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself – Yeah [...]
Courage is my Favourite Word!
Our life is reflected in the words that describe us. Who are you? A helper, a dreamer, a fighter, a crusader? A doer, a thinker, an intellect—a creator? Courage is my favourite word. If I died tomorrow, I would like to be described as having lived a courageous life. There [...]
All the good ones are gone!
I have heard this statement many times from girlfriends and boyfriends! Read it in articles, seen it on TV – watched movies about it! It’s an interesting sentiment, as the bars and dating websites would suggest otherwise. I’m thinking it’s not a lack of volume, it’s a lack of accessibility [...]
The Sneakiness of Comfort
It’s easy to see that we are pushing our comfort zone if we let a great big hairy tarantula creep up our arm, pluck up the courage to ask the hot guy out at work, shave our head or cling to a 200-foot rock face. It’s not so easy to [...]
Drop the Rope
Sweat is running into your eyes, your hands are aching, jaw clenched. The adrenaline is pumping through your veins. Shoulders heave, the energy you are expending is extraordinary. The force is just as strong coming from the other end of the rope. Irritation is mounting, they pull, you pull harder, [...]
The Seductive State of Victim
Most of us do it; it is a comfortable place to hide. Often getting us what we want short-term, but rarely creating anything positive long-term. Victim behaviour is manipulating or controlling situations or people, with the spoken or implied threat that we are going to be worse off. It is [...]
On the surface I look like a well-adjusted successful middle-class business woman and a happy mum of two fabulous boys; scratch the surface a little and you’ll learn it was not always so glossy. Life threw some pretty nasty curve balls at me as a young woman, sent to boarding [...]