I have heard this statement many times from girlfriends and boyfriends! Read it in articles, seen it on TV – watched movies about it!
It’s an interesting sentiment, as the bars and dating websites would suggest otherwise. I’m thinking it’s not a lack of volume, it’s a lack of accessibility or perceived quality.
That, we can do something about!
Before I jump in here and dish out my words of wisdom on how to find a partner, as a woman who’s been married for 15 years and hasn’t been out looking for some time, I do so with respect and empathy. Saying this, I think I can help. Whether you are 18 or 85, bringing Mr or Miss Right into your life is in your hands, and can be a load of fun.
I say “bringing” deliberately, as it is not some random act of cupid, you can absolutely start to stack the odds in your favour and feel fabulous about yourself in the process.
Let’s first get clear about the numbers of would-be suitors roaming the planet. There are believed to be about 880 million single adult women and 960 million single adult men in the world today. I’m pretty sure you are only looking for one, I reckon there is a good chance you can find the one for you amongst the millions on offer.
In America today the statistics show us that the numbers of single adults has grown from 20% in the 40’s to over 50% in 2014, we can assume this will be reflected in most modern societies.
Let’s ditch any scarcity mentality you may be holding on to, and get some abundance thinking.
I am going to help you get clear, right now, about what YOU really want. And then show you how to create it. Yes, you are probably going to have to take a leap of faith, what do you have to lose? Only good can come from this process.
Before we start the exercise you need to read Blue Elephants.
If you have read Blue Elephants you’ll understand what I mean when I say we are often focusing on the “lack of” something, and how we continue to create this.
Start to become aware of the negative thoughts and feelings you have around this subject of dating, boyfriends, girlfriends, marriage, children, love etc. Do any of these statements sound familiar?
I can’t find a man
I just don’t seem to attract the right ones
All the good ones are gone
Women are just after my wallet
I don’t want to get hurt again
All the hot men are gay
I’m too old
I have two kids so no one is interested
The script running in your head and your heart on this topic is really important. The things you say out loud, even as a joke, and the conversations you are having with your friends, will continue to focus your brain on making these statements a reality for you.
You can turn this around by starting to be very honest with yourself. Become aware if you are stuck in victim and feeling powerless. Understand when you change your words, you change your mind, then you change your world.
Help your brain help you. Four steps.
- Create a detailed visual picture of the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with.
- Go to the feeling place of already being with this person. (Blue Elephants explains this.)
- Get super excited about being with this person.
- Repeat steps 2 and 3 often.
Creating a detailed visual picture of your perfect mate.
This is the fun part, play full out, be excited.
Write this out in minute detail. Everything from the colour of their hair, the kind of hobbies they have, the shoes they wear, the area they live. What their mother is like, where you will go on holiday with them, the things you will do together. The kind of career they have – how they interact with people. Their values, what their extended family is like, what kind of parent they will be if you plan to have children. The food they love, the sports they play – the books they read, (if they read). This story is yours, pour your love and joy into it. Are they slim, or strong, petite or tall? – You get the idea.
You must NOT in any way touch on the things you don’t want in a partner.
Also, NO negative thoughts. No, this is never going to happen for me, they will never go for me – kind of thinking! Don’t do it, it doesn’t serve you, its victim behaviour and it is only for people who want to stay stuck.
There are no right or wrongs with this exercise, it’s your life and you can have whatever you want. If you want to marry an Arabian Prince or an Olympic Pole Vaulter, apply the steps above and go for it. Make sure in your head and your heart that this is what you really want and be careful what you wish for!
This doesn’t happen overnight, this is part of a process of learning to open yourself up to love and abundance and as you continue to do this work, bit by bit you will slowly change every aspect of your life.
Many of you are going to embrace this exercise and have loads of fun with it, brilliant – please share your stories in the comments.
Some of you are going to resist it, or as you work through the steps, a whole heap of negative thoughts and feelings may come up for you. These are your underlying beliefs about yourself and your ability to feel love or accept love into your life. I can’t fix these here and now, but I can help you do the work needed to change those beliefs, so stick around. Belief School is launching in the next few months and we’ll be posting loads of ideas, exercises and tools to help you see how bloody fabulous you are, and deserving of a loving, passionate, respectful relationship.
I would LOVE to read some of your perfect partner descriptions, please post here in all their glorious detail!